About Brian

Wandering, pondering, Hitchhiking Whovian. Father Son of Buckethead. Long suffering Columbus Blue Jackets fan. Will write for a steady paycheck.

HARRY SULLIVAN IS AN IMBECILE! and I ain’t feelin’ great either…

This is going to be a short one today as I’m having another two-fisted depressive episode…

As mentioned previously, I’ve been working on a new podcast with a fellow Doctor Who enthusiast. If you like Doctor Who and like hearing two men talk about Doctor Who, well, today is your day.

Click here to enjoy episode 1 of HARRY SULLIVAN IS AN IMBECILE: Dr. Who and the Uncanny Valley.

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What a week, eh?

I don’t often shy away from the occasional political comment on here, however, nothing that I could say hasn’t been said by better people with my eyeballs on their writing. What happened last week in Charlottesville — an act of domestic terrorism perpetrated by — let’s not mince words — Nazi, White Supremacist, Trump Supporters, polo-shirted Tiki-bearing Guys Next Door, the jackbooted agitators and survivalist groups. Yes, you can lump them all together; it’d be the quickest Venn Diagram. Just one circle with the word “Racist”.

Anyway, these are the times when we reach for our bibles. Mine happens to be The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Grab whatever you need and let’s meet up next time.

It’s All Thursday Up In Here!

A couple of things as we slouch towards the weekend…

  1. Recently, I’ve started drinking sparkling water, thanks in part to my friend, David, who drinks it himself. David is cool beyond coolness and I like being around him. I don’t drink sugary drinks or sodas, which means I’m usually drinking water, unsweetened tea, or coffee, when I’m not drinking a fine IPA. I like it. It’s refreshing and a jump up from the usual tap water I drink. Hydration is good!
  2. Speaking of David, he and another friend recommended a book to me: Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Activity by Dave Allen. I’m not a huge self-help book reader (except for Chris Hardwick‘s The Nerdist Way which is an excellent book, especially if you’re in the nerd:geek range of the social spectrum). A huge problem I have is, well, getting things done, by which I mean getting something out of my head so that it can stop taking up space. Even more, I suffer from the inability to break down a thing into manageable parts. While I’m only a few chapters in, I am learning some very useful tools for getting shit out of my head and onto paper, thus, freeing my brain to actually do things and, say it with me, Madge, get things done. Yay productivity!
  3. Speaking of productivity, I’ve been working through some web programming tutorials like nobody’s business. I’ve signed up for a few courses with Udemy, including their Web Programming Bootcamp, and am supplementing it with the HTML/CSS course over on Code Academy. My plan to make beautiful webpages is coming to fruition. Learning is Fun!
  4. Sometimes I like to have music on when I’m working on web code or when I’m writing. Lately, I’ve been varying between chiptune and nerdcore (parents, ask your kids). Recently, I fumbled onto a rock/chiptune band called I Fight Dragons, especially the song “KABOOM!”. I’m a sucker for a good rock tune accompanied by 8-bit music.
  5. Finally, a huge shout out to reddit user BorisCJ. After I posted my little story the other day about creating a BASIC computer program to get me out of having to actually handwrite 100 sentences, I remembered an FoxTrot comic strip that had a similar theme. If you’ve never read FoxTrot… what’s wrong with you?!… it’s not your typical family-based comic strip.
    Having no luck with a Google, Bing, DuckDuckGo, etc., I even considered pestering the strip’s creator, Bill Amend, to see if he could recall it. Forgoing that, I instead made a post in the FoxTrot reddit group. That’s where the most helpful BorisCJ managed to track down the very comic in question. Thanks!

    Published 09/18/1994. Copyright FoxTrot,© Bill Amend 2017

Doin’ sumfin’ ’bout it!

This was originally going to be my post yesterday but I got caught up in all of the nostalgia about CUP and so such, and it was more fun to tell that story then what follows and it all didn’t really go together so…

Plus, I value your time & attention. Thanks for reading.

When last we checked in on Brian’s brain (Brain’s brian?), he was in a full-tilt oscillating free-fall known as the Wunderbare Weltanschauung. Troo nuff, in typical fashion, it left yon author lying in the gutters and trying to visit all the stars & planets in one orgasmic pudding of experience. He’s been a miserable sod, as any long time reader here can attest. Histoire Vrai: while everyone was oohing and ahhing over a co-worker’s recent birth of a baby, my muddled mind muttered maligned mots such as “crotch fruit” and “great, another gaping suckhole on a planet stretched to its finite resources”. I did say in my previous post that I do have passionate, rutting affairs with Aunite Natal Ism.

But bitching and bitching and bitching yet again are repeated patterns, noise-to-noise ratios, and fecund with bad thoughts, reinforcing the negative self-images I hold in my brain as well as the double depression.(“It’s two *clink* two *clink* two depressions-in-one!)

“What Is Dysthymia Called Loathe?” as Cole Porter never wrote.

So yeah, there’s that constantly running in my head. I’ve been near to broken by it and, because those sorts of thoughts, feelings, and emotions can give one such a dim view of life, the universe, and everything including the future, it becomes hard to focus on improving my lot.

I have some very good and friendly friends who are unshelfish with their words & advice. I appreciate those folks and their input — especially yours — gives me nice fuzzy warm feelings that I’m not an untalented and feckless pile of flesh. However, I have a lot of things which make people seek me out in some capacity. Obviously, there’s something there that is felt by others but I haven’t quite figured out what it is, because depression lies and anxiety always leaves you with the tab.

What I have figured out is the following:

  • I’m almost 48; I’m not getting any younger,
  • I lack structure in my life,
  • I am not as creative as I would like to be,
  • I’m not as healthy as I would like to be,
  • I’m not working a job that is personally enriching,
  • Inertia hasn’t netted positive results yet

Those are a lot of bugs that I need to fix, and my inclination is to see everything there as a large monolith, which means it would look a lot like this:

I'M ALMOST 48 I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER I LACK STRUCTURE IN MY LIFE I AM NOT AS CREATIVE AS I WOULD LIKE TO BE I'M NOT AS HEALTHY AS I WOULD LIKE TO BE I'M NOT WORKING AT JOB THAT IS PERSONALLY ENRICHING INERTIA HASN'T NETTED POSITIVE RESULTS YET OH GOD THE FUTURE IS A BLACK HOLE I AM STUCK I CAN'T MOVE...

Because that’s how my mind works. It wants me to stay within the confines of said inertia and “hope” things get better. Subsisting solely on hope doesn’t get me out of this rut and sorry doesn’t put thumbs on the handMarge!

So I’m making small improvements towards addressing the above. I’m not being creative? Then I can write more blog posts. I’m also sliding back into podcasting. Naturally, it’ll be Doctor Who based because, c’mon, guys, it’s me. I lack structure? Thankfully, I’ve got a nifty Google calendar on my phone that allows me to set appointments, to know when bills are due, and to remind me to do things daily like meditate or go for a walk. As for that job? I’ve committed myself to relearning HTML before conquering CSS, and Javascript so that I can make beautiful webpages for fun & profit.

Diligence and patience are what it takes if I want to go forward. I didn’t hit bottom overnight and upgrading my life isn’t going to be instantaneous so it may be a while until I see tangible results.

For now, I need to do the things that need doing.

 

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