Change is a part of life. Change is life itself. If I’ve been trying to hold on too long to a moment, to a place, even to my… friends, well… then I’ve been guilty of… holding my world in stasis… of not trying new things and letting myself… grow. Then you run the risk of just doing what’s expected of you. Of looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing nothing
Or you can experiment, take a risk. Honor the familiar with one last hurrah, perhaps. Then leave the familiar behind. And go forward, into the future.
— Paul Cornell, Doctor Who: The Third Doctor. “The Heralds of Destruction” #5
Hello. My name is Brian. I’m in my mid-40’s and I still enjoy reading comic books. But just, the old favorites eh?
It’s been a while since I’ve written here so it’s best to get you up to date: Absolutely nothing has changed. I’m still mostly struggling, I’m still fighting a double-dose of depression, and I find my odd, Bohemian lifestyle not so much interesting as decrepit. It seems I’ve spent the last few years recapturing moments from my lost youth, a time when I became a young husband and father, as all of my current friends were sowing oats, wild, machine cut, or otherwise. With sugar, naturellement.
If we move the Time Scope about twenty years, oats are good but are high in carbs, my friends have settled down, passed away, or disappeared into the past memories. Meanwhile, muggins is working a tolerable job for not a lot of pay, living in someone else’s house, and otherwise being not quite what most people expect of a 40-something White Guy.
Alas, my succor is escaping to fantasy worlds and writing little bits of interesting things. But otherwise, I am not doing much of anything. My social life has diminished and I feel a bit of a hermit. My diet is passable — I get the fruit and veg — but also stuck in a rut. I am going… nowhere. As the Doctor says above, guilty of holding my world in a stasis.
Some has changed. I’m working on getting a podcast on, what else, Doctor Who up and running and I’m writing my days’ events in my battered yet reliable brown journal book. Maybe I can make this my online battered journal, yes?
Time was, I felt like I was an interesting person who could have had some adventures but out of fear, duties, and living to other people’s standard, I’ve lost the spark. I do what’s expected of me and the reflection is see in the mirror is a man tired and frustrated. Someone beaten down and feeling beaten. Alas, this is old news.
The new news, should there be any, may be told here. Stay tuned and keep your nose clean.