Ranting Impotently: Election 2016 edition: The Thought Plickens

Thoughts after watching coverage of last night’s DNC and the obstreperousness of the stubborn jackasses that make up the Bernie or Bust folks…


Dear Hillary, Schultzie, DNC, et al,

Congratulations on a first night of the convention. You managed to pack more composure, relevance, and multiculturalism in one night than the GOP did in their last three conventions. Also, please, somehow, some way, Hill, if you get elected, find a way to make Michelle Obama an ambassador for something. No, seriously, that speech was so good that Trump’s wife du jour wishes she could retroactively plagiarise it.

Now, a few days ago, I let you have it over the Wikileaked emails where you tenaciously, belligerently, and myopically decided to put your thumbs on the scales for Hill. Let’s face facts: that doesn’t make you look good at all. Nor does it make your campaign look strong to turn around and embrace Schultzie into the fold mere minutes after she’s ousted as head of DNC. Ah well, who says politics doesn’t lead to cronyism, right? Just ask the Bush family. Also, it’s appreciated that you apologized for insulting Bernie and his followers. If you don’t think that matters, consider the lack of apologies the Festering Goober of Hatred’s campaign has issued, from mocking a disabled person to retweeting White Nationalists to even waving away accusations of plagiarism in last week’s RNC speeches. To the likes of him and his followers, culpability is a multi-syllabic word that’s hard to pronounce and probably only pussies do it.

So I’m coming back, somewhat humbly but mostly bitterly because I need you to do something for me: win this election. I know, this is not going to be easy. Some recent polling numbers have you either within the margin of error or slightly behind. Hopefully, the convention gives you a nice bounce and you can use that as some sort of momentum into the general election. Good luck, because you’re going to need it. You have a hard road ahead of you, but making history is never a slam dunk.

Unfortunately, you’ll no longer have Schultzie setting the debate schedule for you. In fact, it’s the debates that really concern me. I mean, how do you debate someone that doesn’t dabble in reality? The Wikileaks thing definitely tarnishes you, but if there is credible evidence that this is some Russian fixing and it can be tied to He Who Must Never Be Prez, well, I hope even you can defeat a treasonous bastard like him.

There’s also some hard work in winning over the Berners. Yeah, I think most of them are going to do the right thing and unite for the Greater Good. Yet, there’s still those “voting my conscience even if it ends up putting me in a Trump gulag” few who will protest you to the (literal & figurative) end.

Lemme just say, Bernie folks, I love y’all. Really, I do. I was one of you and, as evidenced in my previous post, I was just as angry that the primary was slanted into Hill’s favorite. But the thing about a thumb on the scale is that it only adds a few ounces to what’s already there, which is Hillary’s inevitable nomination. Bernie Sanders did great and wonderful things and Hill has even adopted some of his platform. TPP? Debt-free education? You and Bernie did that. What’s more, I have no doubt that Sanders has helped shift the Democratic Party a little towards the progressive side. This is good and, should Hill become president, it’ll be important to ensure the party doesn’t slip back towards the Corporatists.

Does Bernie Sanders poll better against the Mohaired Toupee In A Sweatshop-Manufactured Suit? For now, yes. But who knows what would happen as the campaign goes on. Bernie does that that oh-so-dreaded S word associated with his name and people in this country are just stupid enough to still misconstrue Socialism for Communism. Yeah, it’s frustrating.

But the booing, the stubborn Bernie Or Bust attitude? That shit has to stop. While you’re well within the rights of this country’s beliefs to protest, the level of immaturity — even to the point of adopting the Tiny Hand’s “Lock Her Up” chant — is beyond pathetic. And then, there’s bullshit like this…

Photograph: Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images, courtesy of The Guardian.

Photograph: Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images, courtesy of The Guardian.

Seriously. That’s the kind of ridiculous melodrama that my late ex-mother-in-law used to pull. She was a character, and a PUMA to the very end, believing every bit of dishonesty that the Clintons trotted out against Obama in ’08.

Also, take note… Silenced Lady looks to be more or less left alone by the crowd. Imagine if she tried, say, protesting racism and hate at the RNC like this poor lady did.

I doubt that tape would’ve stayed on her mouth for more than five seconds had she tried that in Cleveland last week.

But a protest is a protest and I get that. You have every right to be angry that Bernie lost. But that’s the point: he lost. No amount of fixing or chicanery by Schultzie changed that outcome. Lick your wounds, organize for next time, and defeat The Orange Nightmare With Tiny Hands. The sting of democracy is that it’s always feels like tyranny to the losers. The time for symbolic protests are over. If you’re getting called ridiculous by Sarah fucking Matt Damon Silverman, who was herself an ardent Bernie supporter, maybe you should takea hard look in the mirror. To the lady in the image above, to the Bernie or Bust folks, you’re not being silenced. You’ve been outvoted.

Yes, the email hacks are damning, but y’know what’s worse? A foreign country attempting to manipulate the outcome of the election. Even worse than that is if these dirty tricks fool you into a protest vote for The Bankrupt Huckster Who Doesn’t Pay His Bills or one of those lame “Third Party” candidates that only show up every four years like impatient cicadas and make a lot of noise. No. I am by no means a Hillary fan or supporter but I will vote for her.

Because, and pardon the hyperbole here, this election is about defeating evil and tyranny. This Bloated, Enabled Tax Cheat with all of his dog-whistle rhetoric, anti-immigrant stances, and all the business acumen of a monkey eating his own shit should not be near game cheat codes, much less nuclear ones. Whatever qualms, concerns, reservations, etc., you might have about Hillary, those will dwarf in comparison to what a Trump administration would accomplish. By protest voting for a third candidate or not even going to the polls, effectively saying “fuck you” to Hillary and the Democratic Party, you’re inviting danger that would make the George W. Bush years look damned near tranquil and idyllic.

Rewatch that above video from last week’s RNC, then imagine that on a national scale. No progressive movement, no Bern Or Bust, no chance at changing the Democratic Party will happen if this Toupeed Hate Bozo wins the Oval Office.

Onward to victory.

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