Fiction: EVIL GENIUS TO HOLD OPEN HOUSE

Children will be able to learn how to torture for information and profit, discover how to hoard enormous treasures, and find out the proper way to threaten the world with destruction at Doctor O’Bastard’s Evil Genius Open House. This project is a labor of hate for Doctor Rotten O’Bastard and the second open house to be held on his remote island base.

“Yes, it was magnificently diabolical last year,” says O’Bastard. “We had a tremendous amount of interest from many countries. Quite a number of them came from the United States, funny enough.”

Last year's bomb demonstration with Larry "Silent But Violent" Schwaumberg.

Last year’s bomb demonstration with Larry “Silent But Violent” Schwaumberg.

Doctor O’Bastard promised this year will see an increase of activities as well as more workshops dedicated to fashion, pain tolerance, extortion and proper facial scarification. Returning this year will be the immensely popular Komodo dragon pit where traitors and spies have their legs broken before being dropped into a pit filled with ten of the ravenously hungry lizards.

“The boys especially found that quite delightful and disturbing,” O’Bastard added. “There’s something so sublime and refreshing when you witness naked fear in a child’s eye.”

This year, parents will be able to come away with important information on raising their own unyieldingly vicious future dictators. Booths from local organizations will also offer their services and hand out free samples.  One booth that proved very popular last year was Thug Stonefist’s. A purveyor of restraint devices and thumb screws, his store was quite busy last year as eager parents lined to buy his wares. “De bottle of acid was good, hurh hurh hurh,” Stonefist says. “Kids can’t wait to opens dem and start dropping it on their little brothers or sisters.”

O’Bastard says future plans are to make the open house an annual event. He also plans to create a summer camp for under-12 as well as contaminate the world’s water supply.

Attendees are advised that again this year that Zappy The Roving Death Ray will be hovering over the proceedings and that any insolence will be dealt with harshly.

For information about attending this year’s open house, contact your nearest maniacal crime overlord.

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