Discovered recently…

“There’s very little joy that I feel. What is wrong with me? I’m feeling lost, alone, isolated, unwanted, undesirable. I’m only needed for useful purposes like work or bills or things that exist on the surface. I feel so stupid and used and dumb and useless.

“This hurts so much. I feel like such a fuckup. Everything falls apart. I see no joy, no future, only the dark.

“I need help. I need help. I need help.

“I don’t see a purpose to doing anything anymore. I’m constantly working from the bottom up. I don’t want to do anything anymore. No one wants to know me, they only want to know the funny guy. They only want to know the person who makes them laugh or who is “so thoughtful” and “nice.” No one gives a fuck to dig deeper. No one wants to connect.

“I need help. I need help. I need help.

“Minimum wage. Flailing my arms. Useless as a father and provider for my own daughters. One daughter puts up with my failures. The other doesn’t want anything to do with me. Maybe she’s the smart one.

“I make stupid choices. I make stupid decisions. I am lazy. I am ugly. Everyone keeps me at arm’s length. I can’t live like this anymore. I need help. I need help. I need help now. Please. Something good. Please, I am begging for something good to happen for my girls, for me.

“I am in trouble. I am drowning. I always am drowning, but I don’t show it.

“I am weak. I don’t belong. I need help but I don’t deserve help.

“I think I am depressed.”